I haven’t been exactly where I want to be lately. I don’t mean physically, or even emotionally- but mentally? Mentally I think I’ve been a little checked-out. I haven’t finished a drawing in at least a week, but I’m pretty sure we’re nearing two. I haven’t finished any of the number of projects (including 2 drawings) I’m in the middle of, or been able to consistently keep the kitchen sink dish-free. Some people know how much a dish-filled sink gets under my skin.

But today I am counting my chickens before they hatch and I’m loving it. I’m being happy with what I expect to have and see and find. I’m being positive and that feels good. I’m refreshing my RAM.

I am organizing my life with ridiculous tags like, ‘on campus, at movies, under a bench’ and it makes a lot more sense.

In just over half an hour I’ll have my third and-a-half Mother’s Day. Third-and-a-half because I count the one when I was pregnant, some people don’t. Trust me- for those who have that special, only-I-know-you first Mother’s Day (and you may not, depending on when your journey begins) it is special. Very special. You know in another year, this little mystery person will be revealed and by then you will be so in love you’ll never remember a time they were not in your life.

I’m loving this weekend, and it has nothing to do with tomorrow.

Well, maybe not nothing. (You’re it).

It’s been a bright, sunshiney weekend with cool breezes and smiley faces.

And guitars. And Avengers School. And Avengers School dropouts.

And statues you are just afraid enough of, and adventures you can only have with your big brothers.

And flowers to get lost in.

Pictures to color with daddy, and desks you put together with mommy.

And in five minutes, bedtime.

Happy Mother’s Day.

May has come to play with us. Angel and I started the month by heading out for a morning bike ride. While I strapped my new wicker bicycle basket to the front of my cruiser and pulled out the trailer Angel headed around to the side of the house to hang out on the storage bench and chew his gum. He loves gum, and he loves that bench.

We were asked to wait and enjoy company, so we rode in circles and up and down our street for a while. Mommy got pretty warm, so we took a break and had a Kool-Aid while we waited patiently for daddy to patch his rear bike tire.

Unfortunately some lining came off of the bicycle wheel and so we switched gears (haha- gears) and made a car trip out of it. We bought coloring books, board books and went to see fish, hamsters and chinchillas.

And then we bravely headed over to a childrens salon and Angel fought and screamed his way through a shampoo (he hates when his ears get wet), condition and cut. Sigh. I was not thrilled with how his hair came out. If you confirm three times that the bangs should touch the eyebrows, you expect the bangs to, you know, touch the eyebrows.

I was very sad in my disappointment. Not only did my sweet boy cry throughout the experience, but none of us liked his haircut. I have done a much, much better job cutting it myself and it does not cost us any money. The only reason I took him in for a cut was because he is so sad when I cut it, I thought maybe a fun place might make it easier on him.

Kevin talked me through it, though. My baby is still beautiful, and as long as his awkwardly-short bangs are off of his forehead he looks like Angel to me.

From the salon we went to tackle another issue- getting my little Bug new shoes.  We have made efforts at this, but he is opposed to even having his feet measured so it has been a difficult endeavor. After enjoying circumventing our best efforts to try shoes on him we ended up taking him out in his stocking-feet with a new pair of shoes identical to his last pair except a size and a half larger.

He was wise to our trick and spent a good deal of time telling us he was not goh’n wear new shoes and he wanted HIS shoes back. Eventually we ‘found’ ‘his’ shoes in the car and he reluctantly put them on as we agreed we would have ice cream.

or… frozen yogurt. But he is my son, and it’s all the same to us. This was the best cup of frozen yogurt I’ve had- pink grapefruit fro-yo with popping boba, blackberries and a side of crushed peanut butter cups for the serious indulgence. Yes.

I’m enjoying the warmer weather. Not too sure how cheery it will feel in a month, but for now, we’re happy.

She has a lot of sayings she pulls out regularly, one of my favorites being, “Say it forget it, write it regret it,” sometimes following it up with, “Your generation lives their lives in writing.”

Always you hear complaints about whoever the giants online are and their privacy policies. Google. Facebook. The complete inability of banking institutions to protect the sensitive information we entrust to them.

Why these places need to break down our search results or status updates to a science is beyond me. Yes, yes, I understand- dollars. But the reason it is so important to the dollars is beyond me. I have been surfing the web nearly twenty years, and I’ll tell you a secret- I have become oblivious to advertisements. I don’t know how long I was on Facebook before someone complained about the advertisements they were getting and I finally noticed there were ads on facebook. Marketting is so prevalent at this point I just tune it out completely. I still fail to notice facebook ads, and would never click on one no matter how appealing because I just find these things to be completely fake and a waste of my time.

So these sites set up what amounts to traps. Traps to gain your consent to gather your personal information, tie it together with absolutely worthless information, like what level of Plants vs Zombies you have achieved, and sells it to firms who disect and analyze it down the the last ones and zeroes. Ridiculous.

This is avoidable enough- my facebook is set to private. I utilize lists to keep even my friends out of my business. I rarely allow any application to interact with facebook and make a point to check my approved applications and sites to delete the ones that somehow sneak in. I pass on interaction with my family and loved ones just to be sure I’m not spreading things unintentionally. And it’s not like I keep things so close to the vest- I’m a pretty open person, I just don’t think other people have a right to spread my personal information all over the world.

Which is the irony of privacy policies and sites like Facebook. With a name like mine, I really don’t have to worry too much about people wondering if I’m that Echo Stenger. It’s not like John Smith or Ashley Johnson. I don’t even currently use my face as my icon- a real pet peeve of mine with facebookers. If I am searching out ‘That’ Ashley Johnson and she has a picture of her favorite burger as her buddy icon (or whatever facebook calls them, I’m not that invested beyond the newsfeed of status updates), how the heck can I know if she’s the one I’m seeking without sending an email? Kind of annoying. I’m personally disinclined to e-mail the 400 Ashley Johnsons that come up in the Houston area to find my friend. Kind of silly. If you want to use a social networking site, you do need to make yourself accessible and identifiable to a point.

But I am somewhat digressing from what I initially wanted to write about. Sites often offer ‘extra’ services if you either pay (fair enough) or allow them to track your online activity. Since I don’t know my banking information won’t end up in there it’s a big fat no from me, but facebook is staring to get to me. And not just facebook.

Stats for your account are often being offered lately as incentive to either cough up some cash (kind of fair, I guess) or to share more information about yourself with companies you know nothing about.

Hmm. Ok. I comprehend the, ‘Well, it’s their service and they can make the rules they want to make!’ Sure. But … these stats are easy to put together. This really just seems like basic information to me. Like not having your password changed every 2 hours unless you pay a subscription fee.

This is to me as ironic on social networking sites as people trying to protect their identities. It is limiting the site’s usefulness and reach and thus would seemingly negatively affect revenue. Of course they don’t need the revenue, but we all know that is never a good enough reason to not do something. As Kevin is always saying about gambling: There is no amount too big to win.

It’s disappointing. I’d love to know who visits my facebook page- I’m quite sure many people have used these features on me as I sometimes receive e-mails from people who I am not friends with but whose profiles I have visited recently for whatever reason. I think access to this info would make facebook users like me more prolific. I keep my friends list small and restricted to people out of state.  But as appealing as it is, since the only exchange for it seems to be, “Let us sell info about you!” I just can’t get on board.

Maybe someday privacy information will be readable and chewable for us. Maybe when I want to update my iPod two or ten years from now I won’t have to read 57 pages of end user agreement to update- maybe they could highlight the changed portions in red so that I can just get to it. Reading the first time tells me whether or not I can accept their usage of my information. Being expected to print out the agreement and then read it side by side with the ‘update’ to see the changes is outrageous.

Maybe someday.

So we did something I always dread. We leashed up the dogs, loaded them (and boy) into the car and headed to the bread store, where we bought bread, to feed to the ducks, which live at the park, which was where we were going. The commas are intentional.

Angel was given a treat from the bread store and fell asleep on the short trip, but woke up almost instantly when he saw birds. Birds, birds everywhere. He followed ducks down the walkway, and up the hill, and chased after them calling out, ‘DUCKS! Come back! Don’t leave me!‘ in the sweetest, most affectionate way.

He ran from seaguls with a bold declaration that, ‘They not goh’n git me!’

Played hide and seek, ran from his daddy…

Sat contemplatively, bemoaned Trinity’s slobbery kisses…

And cried when we finally had to leave.

But mostly, he made my day. Sometimes I sit and think of how much I love this kid. How well we get along. How happy I am when he wakes up. How many kisses I need to give him each day to not feel them welling up inside me. How we named him Angel, and it works- when he does rarely upset me, and the name ‘Angel’ comes out of my mouth it makes me evaluate just how angry I want to sound. He makes the world so much better. It really needed him.

You’re welcome ; )

But the commercials for Hershey’s Air Delights bug me even though I don’t really buy their products in the first place. How can injecting air into milk cocolate make it somehow taste better? Presumably Hershey’s milk chocolate is Hershey’s milk chocolate, no? It doesn’t change the flavor and presumably only does little to change the texture. It’s been bugging me. A lot. So much that when someone came pounding on our front door one morning this week, ringing the bell in rapid-fire succession, not even letting a ring end before they punched the button again, working the two giant dogs into a frenzy (FOOOOOOD, MOM! Opne up! There’s foood!) and a note was discovered (they were already in their truck by the time I got to the door) and Kevin needed to go to the corner store to retreive his wallet I stopped him and made a request- a regular Hershey’s, and an Air Delights. Angel and I were going to taste test.

So after his mid-afternoon nap, hair-crazed and food-stained, I plopped Angel up on the counter and his little face lit up when he saw what we were up to.

We unwrapped both bars carefully and each popped off a sample piece. Angel gave his much time and consideration, moving the pieces around in his mouth and enjoying them without bias.

Justified as always, there was no real difference. To me, Hershey’s bars kind of feel like soft wet chalk on the teeth. Creamy chalk, but chalk nonetheless. Not really a great experience, but the Air Delights bar was somehow… kind of… crumbly? It did not crumble, but it felt crumbly when I bit into it. Angel happilly ate the entire regular Hershey bar but did not ask for another piece of the Air Delight (not sure why, I’m not going to complain if he doesn’t eat gobs of junk food).

It is definitely not the sweet adult-geared indulgence the commercials try to make it out to be. I can’t see myself ever buying another one.

However, I have been drawing at what is for me a record pace. I have two incomplete drawings that I should really pull out and finish, but they were both for practice and that just isn’t as important as drawing what I want to draw.

Unless you are practicing a new technique and it works out very well. Then that is both practice and something you have wanted to do for years.

And then I started thinking about doing something- tutorial reviews. And this one, friends, was easy as pie. Almost literally, because surprisingly pie is very easy to make. Mm. I should make some pie. Except that I shouldn’t because hello summer diet?! Why do I spend so much time thinking about food? I clearly have hobbies. Jeez.

So maybe not reviews, really, but recommendations as I try to learn more about Adobe Illustrator. Because I think I’ve decided, finally, what the heck it is I’m doing here- I am going to share with the world my pursuit of becoming a children’s book author.

Yes, I have a book sketched out that I came up with sometime around the New Year’s and really quite like. It is not done, there are only about four pages sketched out, but I have a bit to learn before I can make them a reality.

So in between my illustrations I will follow illustrator tutorials and showcase the results. Even though I have been drawing in Vector for many years there is a lot in Illustrator that I just don’t know how to use, because I have been too impatient to learn it- I have stuck to what I know, drawing with the Vector pen in both Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator.

Now it’s time to get uncomfortable, learn, and see how far I can go.

The tutorial for the match can be found at Vector.TutsPlus.com (link takes you directly to the tutorial) and honestly, if you have illustrator and know how to draw a rectangle in it, take a deep breath, make yourself a nice beverage and have at it. I think sometimes tutorials are harder the more you know- I really did not want to sit down and follow one, and being the little rebel I am I ignored many of the steps once I understood how to do the gradient mesh in them and just frehanded the shapes, because, yeah, rock and roll! But I recommend following it exactly- like, I had no idea you could use the lasso to select points, then the bend tool to bend the heck out of them! S’awesome. I did practice that a few times before returning to the pen tool (because it’s just quicker since I’ve been drawing with it for like 10 years, you know?)

Next up I plan to take on another tutorial by the same author that I think could help me in my hopes of becoming a published illustrating author- Realistic Vector Bubbles! Yahoo ; )

After working myself crazy writing 3 image gallery scripts the last thing I wanted to do was toil away at the little things. The hardest part for me is always the details. Ideas I’m pretty great at. I can even start the ball rolling and run away with it- but when I see myself reaching the top of that hill? I start to balk at the downslope. What’s that? Customized comment forms?

When I declared it done I smiled to myself and joyously declared, “I can take a design break!” Then I promptly drew a cartoon version of my son in Vector as practice for the children’s book I hope to start writing this year. He is definitely a huge inspiration for the character’s physical appearance.

And an inspiration for life. To stop, grab a spoon, and eat cupcakes from jars sent to us by amazing people. Or to choose matching Phineas & Ferb tattoos (he picked Perry, I picked the girl with the black hair and the pink bow).

But the NEXT day I took off. I lazed, I shopped, I had a Wendy’s baked potato, side salad and some sort of berry tea that was not worth my $2. Or Kevin’s $2 since he paid for it. I had high hopes for that tea.

I painted my toenails.

I took a hot bath.

I wrote this blog entry. I planned the next (arty, crafty, custom picture frames! GET EXCITED!)

I planned my attack plan for cleaning my admittedly-neglected house. Planned all the things I’m going to bake. The bike rides I’m going to ride. The spring rolls I’m going to enjoy. The sushi gift card I’m going to tap out.

Did you know how quick and easy fresh pita is to make? Well, not ‘quick’ exactly, you do have to exert yourself to stir together ingredients the night before, but boy when it comes out of the oven, step back. I’m feeling very content.

Hopefully this weekend our planter will be set out and our veggie garden transplanted.

Hey, cupcakes aren’t the only delicious things that come in jars. Though cupcake and cookie plants would probably encourage more Americans to grow their own food ; )

It’s good to be back.

I’m not sure why my flickrs below are not updating. Kind of frustrating since they are only temporary until I have time to write a new image script for Echo myself, but whatever.

Li made my day today. And he did it early enough that… everyone else’s crap just doesn’t matter : )

I’m putting some work into Echoia when I have the time and she is slowly coming along. I am quite looking forward to showcasing my photos & design/art work again.

I’m looking to socialize more and today- seeking out that Red, Red Picture.

Happy Wednesday!